HI guys! This is my first blog ever! Something new and exciting I've never done before.
I wanted to tell you about what happened after my big CD Release Concert this past Feb. 26. Can't believe two months have already gone by! Anyway it was a great success. The musicians I played with that night were stellar. Everything went off without a hitch. And even though there was a snowstorm that day and schools were closed I had a great turnout. Thanks so much to everyone that came!
Despite all the positives I had major let down after the concert. Instead of feeling energized and empowered I felt drained and unempowered and questioned myself about whether I should even be a singer songwriter. I focused on any little negative instead of all the positives. I should have been giving myself pats on the back for all that I accomplished in finishing my second CD and pulling together a big concert, but I didn't. It hit me like a ton of bricks that what I was dealing with was more than just regular let down after a big event. I knew that this was more and that I had to get to the bottom of it now. That these self defeating feelings and anxiety producing reactions had to be dealt with and changed! I needed to take control of my life, my thoughts, my reactions so that I could be everything I wanted to be for myself and for other people.
So I got tons of books and started reading about positive thinking and postive affirmations. I got a 15 week audio cassette course about anxiety and depression that I listened to every time I got into my car. I even decided to set up my own "spiritual room" in our summer porch so that I could go there every morning when I woke up to set my thinking in positive, comforting, empowering directions for the rest of my day. I needed to take serious steps to start changing my anxiety producing self defeating depressive thoughts and start to comfort, encourage, and empower myself!
so I spent all day Saturday setting up my Spiritual Room, emptying out all the winter storage items, and cleaning out all the spiders and mold. I woke up Monday morning ready to begin my first day in my spiritual room. I had set my alarm for 6:00 and it was a beautiful day. I was so hopeful and calm and ready to begin. Well what a first day I had! The lessons came rushing at me faster than I could digest them!
I went to open the door of the back porch. And low and behold one of the kids had locked it which they do sometimes when they’re fooling around. Only THEY know how to open it. It was also a complete mess inside! I was instantly irrate. I wanted to run upstairs at 6:00 and wake them all up on their day off and yell at them to “OPEN MY DAMN SPIRITUAL ROOM!!!” My mind was so worked up saying to myself that of course this always happens. Someone always ruins my efforts…..There’s no room for me in this house……No one appreciates or respects what I need…..I have to fight for everything all the time……I’m always being sabotaged………blah blah blah. I was really mad! I also realized quickly that this was perfect…..my first lesson! I knew this instantly and a part of me smiled while the other side of me continued to be angry and complain. I restrained myself and didn’t wake the kids up. I got a coat and sat down on the hard cold patio. I took some deep breaths…….First I had to calm myself down. I knew instantly even though I didn”t really want to recieve it that my first and most important lesson was this: Access to my spiritual center was not in the porch or anywhere else for that matter. It was within me wherever I was. I realized that that’s how people even in the worst conditions can practice this sort of thing. Because all you have to do is go inside yourself.
My second lesson: Boy I wanted to blame someone else so badly! It was going to be someone else's fault that I could not become spiritually enlightened! Goddammit! Of course I couldn't be to blamed for it! It was someone else's fault. Of course I realized that that was insane but it's so easy to go there!
Third lesson:Life never works in an orderly fashion. You may work hard and expect that if you do A then B will happen but it never seems to work this way. I know this too well thru my music. I worked hard to set up my room but the universe told me “you can’t get in!” Find another way. This is how life is all the time! Too often we think there is just one way. Find another way!
Fourth lesson: My first reaction was that since my perfect set up was sabotaged I'd have to start my spiritual room tomorrow! We always tend to say “I’ll do this when………” “I’ll work on my spritual life when I have a perfect room.” “I’ll be happier when I have more space in my house.” “I’ll lose weight when I have a gym in my basement.” “I’ll be successful when I……………” The list goes on and on. But things will never be perfect. All I had was today and all I had was an imperfect cold stone patio to sit on. So I started with that. So begin now no matter how imperfect it is!!
I wont’ make this too long. But I couldn’t believe how many lessons that I despearately need came rushing at me in only the first day!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! I hope this helps you in some small way.
Linda
